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According to a series of charts compiled by the eggheads dickheads? Millions of Russians consoled themselves after a hockey loss with a collective wank. The Spy Who Cums in from the Cold , if you will. This graph illustrates porn consumption during the US vs. Americans are nearly three times as likely to baste our turkeys to Russian porn as they are to bust a nut over our smut.

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The uncanny appeal of celebrity sex tapes is lost on Russians who are too busy offering their seeds to the motherland. This graph is a bit tricky—it lists the terms searched with the highest relative density in each country, a metric of our most unique kinks. Our minds wander as we sweat and hunch over our iPads like monks with scripture. Then they lost, and within 20 minutes traffic rose to about 10 percent higher than it is on an average day.

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